Welcome to the Madness

Hello all, Amaya-kin here. WordPress doesn’t allow for cool names, so bear with the sillyish looking one.

 

What is the kin about? Its kinda a reference to a character called Crona, who I always call Crona-kin. (Crona’s from Soul Eater). May want to look up Crona, she is very similar to me. Or I to her, I guess. Amaya is simply a name meaning darkness.

 

Really original start I know. Don’t expect much better from that. With little sense of identity, I will take it from wherever I can get it. Though, I guess I should tell a little bit about myself.

 

I am Coraline Amaya Lily (not my real name, though the initials are identical). I really should go by Coraline here, but I like Amaya better. Sounds nicer. More fitting, too. Anyways. I am weird. See those names? Those are three of the 6 of us here. They are those three, plus: Scarlet, Harlequin and Forgotten. No, they’re not full separate personalities. They are personality fragments, yes, including Coraline. She, I, whatever; is the boss. But I am not a full personality either, merely a meadly of the others. Mostly of Amaya and Lily.

 

Guess I should explain why. I have PTSD, and I heavily suspect, C-PTSD. Since its not a recognized disorder yet, when I was tested it didn’t show up. BUT, since I was traumatized for 16 years, I am claiming the C-PTSD as MORE ACCURATE. And part of it? Personality splinters and loss of identity. Thus, the 6 of us who aren’t really people at all. 

 

You can image what living life with PTSD is like. No, sorry, you CAN’T imagine it. No one can, really, unless they have it. And that’s the problem. No one gets it. Everyone around me is fairly normal, no mental issues, no super-trauma. I mean some trauma, everyone is traumatized to some degree. But not enough for ANYONE to get the level that is PTSD.

 

And maybe that’s why I’m writing this. I’m tired of feeling alone, like no one gets it, like I’m making it all up. I know others have this- and online is the best reach-out. Maybe I just want to talk and have someone sympathize, for once. But also this.

 

Welcome to the madness is a real welcome. I’m fairly certain there are others out there, like me, utterly alone. Here, maybe we can meet, talk, compare notes, and figure something out. Or be an understanding ear in an un-understanding world. 

 

So, welcome. It will be mad. I will explain what its like in my head- it isn’t pretty. The struggles, the pains. But also the little solutions I’ve found, the ways of coping, the ways of growing. I wish someone could have taught me- maybe I can teach someone else. 

 

Oh, and one last thing. One reason I’m doing this? Because I honestly thing this is one reason I go through all the hell.

 

And sorry, if you don’t believe in God, I will probably get on your nerves. I will mention my faith, as it is part of my life. I will not preach, though. I will promise you that. This is not a ‘sunshine and roses and prayers’ blog, this is ‘life is hell, here’s how to get through it alive’ blog. So no, I won’t be the annoying Christian bloggers whose like ‘just pray and everything will me hunky-dory!’ No. Don’t expect that. Hopefully, this won’t turn anyone off- I will try to not do that- but honestly, its part of who I am. And this blog is going to be raw me.

 

Anyways, welcome, ‘enjoy’ your stay. 

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